Why I Began A Blog, and Yes It Was Partially Being Cheated On
Before I took blogging serious, I started to blog for fun while I was in high school. High school is where I fell in loved with blogging, using Tumblr, connecting with other people from around the world (especially people I came to actually meet in Florida from Tumblr). I was always very fond of others and meeting different kinds of people than where I am originally from which is Massachusetts.
Blogging was for fun. It was all about laughing at memes, blogging about serious topics and actually reading other people’s stuff. Blogging about issues and topics and having people read my stuff and share.
In college, I continued to blog. Hopefully sharing valuable information to people out there. After a few years while in college, I realized that I was blogging for a while. Then a point in time while in college, I stopped blogging for a reason.
2014 was a truly bittersweet year.
2014 was the year where I was ready to escape the New England life and go all the way to California for a semester in college. I will always love that time because I grew from my comfort zone and fell in love with traveling. I traveled all over the beautiful state to new places. I traveled to San Francisco, Santa Barbara, Santa Cruz, Monterey, San Jose and all the way to LA. During that time I would blog about the places I was going to. I cherish those times because of so many reasons. One is because that is where I had the blessing to meet my best friend from Iceland and other people from South Korea, Serbia, Germany, Switzerland and more.
At that time I was still blogging for fun but I was not in a great state of mind. I was trying to grow personally from my comfort zone and meet people but I was in a toxic relationship at the time. It was draining me which affected personal areas, my grades and my creativity. I journaled at the time and remember looking back and realizing that I was truly unhappy and had been struggling with anxiety and panic attacks. I always had a GPA in college of 3.5-4.0 and while in California, I was around 2.9 (or lower I can’t remember exactly).
I wasn’t me.
I wasn’t blogging anymore.
All I did was developed a toxic unhealthy checking habit that caused me panic attacks every single day in California.
It wasn’t at all healthy for me.
So I ended the relationship.
As I tried to continue with blogging, I was receiving anonymous hate.
I knew who it was. I never received it at all until that point. I received anon hate because of the drama with my ex and the other person whom he cheated me on with, found me.
My blog was a safe place for me. Until it wasn’t.
So I deleted my blog in 2015 which meant I destroyed one of my creativity outlets.
I wasn’t happy. I didn’t feel as if I was able to be me. I wasn’t me.
Through the next two years, I sought help for myself. Until I got into another toxic relationship that drained me once again.
Within those two years where I fought and fought to survive, I was again in the same mindset.
I wasn’t happy.
I wasn’t growing.
I wasn’t doing what I truly wanted to do.
I wasn’t traveling.
I wasn’t meeting new people.
I wasn’t giving love.
I wasn’t me.
I felt stuck and unhappy in every part of my life. From my relationship, work, my living environment to my mental state.
I felt as if I wasn’t truly living my authentic life.
So what does a 24 year old college graduate, young professional woman do?
She ends everything and starts a blog.
I ended my last relationship. I moved out, moved back home (with just suitcases in my hand), started a YouTube channel and a blog. I also looked for new jobs.
Do I regret anything?
Absolutely not. I realized that every little thing in our lives is connected. Whatever choice or decision we make is guiding us to our right path. The one we are supposed to be on.
I am grateful for everything in my life. I am grateful for the absolute suffering I went through; the loss of two failed relationships (even moving out to go back home) to the anxiety I suffered. I learned so so much. It helped me go back to what I missed, which is blogging, traveling, being creative, and love. As well as connecting with so many people from around the world. Connecting with people who are different from me, helping them in some way. Being positive and making an important great impact on this earth is my calling. Blogging and spreading knowledge is something I should be doing.
It’s interesting to look at our own lives and see where we ended up. All of us have gone through something that guided us to where we are. It could of been a failed career, a break up, a death or a mistake in our lives.
Whatever you have gone through, wherever you are, you are exactly where you are supposed to be.
If you aren’t happy, change it. If you are scared then you are supposed to do it. Scary is good because it means that it carries value, it’s meaningful. You care.
So go change your life. Live your true authentic life.
You are your own writer in your life story. So make it a good one.