I Drove 3 1/2 Hours To Find Myself
There are moments in life where you just want to getaway and not be near anyone. I just wanted to be away in the woods with just me and myself, being one with nature. I think it’s necessary to take space and be by yourself and in the woods at least once in your life. Especially where there are changes being done between planets, seasons and the universe. I’m a big believer that when the seasons change, changes within oneself will also begin.
Being in nature is something so special. How is it that we get this beauty from mother nature? Why aren’t we trying to protect it? As I am getting ready to embark on my own spiritual journey to being alone in the woods with nothing but myself, very few belongings and my thoughts, I am ready to open myself up to the endless possibilities of spiritual growth. It feels like it has been a long while. I’ve been aching to just be alone, with no one at all and no worries. This is my time, my thoughts and my own journey. Will I survive? Will I be able to comfort my own thoughts? From someone on the outside looking in my brain, it may sound like its’s not a big deal. But as a 25 year old trying to figure this life out alone, I think it’s a pretty big one. Sometimes we need to do things alone. When I do things alone whether it’s going out to eat at a restaurant alone, or going on a road trip alone, traveling to a new country alone or spend a whole weekend isolated from others, it looks like I am lonely and crazy. At least it’s looks and sounds crazy on the outside from people who don’t understand. But here’s one thing about me, I love and crave my alone time. I crave being able to do things alone because of many reasons.
I depend on myself. I am quite independent and had to be for most of my life. I also am very intuitive and know when I have to do some work from within. This spiritual journey began for me not so long ago-the same amount of time I started this blog which will reach it’s one mark anniversary in just a short four months. Or maybe my spiritual journey has been trying to start years ago but I was in denial and trying to hide it under the rug. It’s still crazy for me that all this time, this whole time I’ve been growing and learning about myself. I’ve been documenting for the most part my travels, my lessons, tips and shared advice and also most importantly my authentic self.
Being alone in nature is going to be an interesting one. I have been ready to explore the deep layers within myself. For many years I’ve held onto trauma, hurt, resentment and pain. I’ve been in two painful relationships that sparked the growth within in. However, I am learning more and more that the lessons that are hidden in them will only repeat themselves if I don’t learn it from the beginning. I sit here writing this knowing that my spiritual journey is here and I welcome it with open arms.
I decided to pack up my things and drive 3 in a half hours to an undisclosed location in the woods, up in Vermont. About three weeks ago, I had this strong desire to really be by myself in isolation. No city. No connections, not even texting my best friend, Erna or family. For the record, I told my loved ones and people that I probably most likely won’t text them back till I come back on Monday. I would text my loving mother to tell her yes I am safe and alive. That was all. I didn’t hold onto conversations or reach out for conversations. However, I did have one important conversation. A conversation with myself.
Have I healed all wounds? Have I let go of my ego? Have I really been enjoying my authentic self? Have I healed my own past pain, trauma, and wounds? Who isn’t serving me anymore in my life?
As I drove off, I put on Indian classical music. This beautiful soothing and touching music that touches my soul. I felt myself releasing all this blocked energy from within. It was about two hours into the drive. Once I reached Vermont, I would spot different locations along the road and pulled over. I had to stop and see the beauty. Really gaze and admire the beauty. Man oh man, I absolutely loved seeing lakes no one nearby. I loved seeing water falling down onto the rocks at another place. I loved seeing mountains. I loved being me. I loved being connected.
Later that Saturday
As I finally reached the cabin guesthouse that I booked, I had to nap. After napping, I drove about 20 minutes to find a place to eat because literally, there wasn’t anything around in a 10 mile radius. I went to this one place and ordered at the bar. As I have stopped eating meat, I ordered a plate of pasta, garlic bread and some salad. I observed people around me. There were people with friends, or with their significant others, sipping on alcohol. I was alone, by myself. And I absolutely didn’t care. I felt so free.
I returned to my cabin and meditated. When I tell you I meditated, I did it for God knows how long. I felt my whole body have this energy go through it like electricity. I put on some opening heart chakra meditation, healing chakra meditation and just enjoyed it. Let me tell you it wasn’t as easy as it sounds. I couldn’t really explain to you how the energy throughout my body was flowing. I felt this energy rushing up my spine, feeling like electricity. I understand, I sound crazy. I thought I was crazy until I found out that I’m not the only one that this has happened to. I took this time to research more into spirituality and what I was feeling. I knew that I wasn’t crazy because this couldn’t just be me. Of course to my relief, there are so many videos and people online who talk about the same thing. The changes in their lives, the changes with relationships near them, things leaving and the confusion one might experience. All of their symptoms and experiences are eerily similar to mine. I spent the weekend to accept and heal. This is exactly where I’m supposed to be. This is me becoming my higher self.
I spent the day mediating, journaling, meditating some more and doing nothing but accept and let go. I am exactly where I’m supposed to be. It was raining for the most part of the day so I spent a lot of time inside. However, I wanted to a part of nature. I wanted to explore and see anything along the way. Nature. It’s a beautiful thing isn’t it? It’s a blessing to be able to connect with the roots of the trees, to be able to see lakes and mountains. They are a part of the earth. They do not take from others. They do not destroy anything around them. Instead, have you ever seen a tree grow through something? It doesn’t neglect or reject it. It accepts and joins the thing that is in their path to grow. This is how it should be in life. Don’t neglect yourself or others. Don’t reject yourself or others. Grow one with them and become united in love.
This was my day to drive back and return to Massachusetts. It was time. This long drive was cut down to 3 hours, thanks to the great old nonexistent Vermont or New Hampshire state troopers. I truly appreciate them. I decided to grab breakfast on the go, fill up my gas tank and drive off. I put on Indian classical music and realized my life journey is beautiful. I am so proud of myself that I am becoming the person I am meant to be in this life. I am filled with so much love and appreciation in life. I am in absolute awe with nature and the lives that are on this earth. I am appreciative of my life on this earth. No matter what we are going through, it is supposed to happen. We need to accept these things in life in order for us to receive and become our higher best self. Our old wounds are healing. Our old trauma limiting beliefs are becoming distant from our higher selves. We are one. We are loved. We are here.