How To Rediscover Yourself And Stop Living Up To Others Expectations
We are programmed already from our nurturers, parents and family members at a very young age. What do I mean by programmed? Our brain has been planted seeds of control, insecurities, fears, and limited beliefs at adolescence which affects our subconscious mind and how we go through in life. It’s not necessarily our fault that our subconscious has been programmed at an early age. When we get older however, we are faced with this subconscious of limiting beliefs, fears and ideas that limit us. We have this belief system within us thinking that it’s the only way and see things only at a level we are only aware and accustomed to. For an example, at a young age we are told that we can’t do something by someone close to us which then plants the belief system that we cannot do that specific thing. Having this limited belief then sets us up most of the time to conforming to the expectations that others have for us.
After a while, you might have noticed that you are not truly living your true authentic self because you are living up to others expectations. How can you find your true self? After a whole year of rediscovering myself, I have found ways to finding yourself again.
Expand from your comfort zone
Your comfort zone is something that you are already accustomed to. You are not going to explore and learn about who you really are if you are used to everyday comfort and your safety bubble. People who discover themselves get out from their comfort zone. They explore in areas that are unfamiliar. Who would have thought that I’d start a blog if I didn’t try it? Or who would have thought some of the most successful people on this earth would be where they are if they didn’t try that public speaking class or started their own business? You can try different interests and activities that will help you discover what you like and who you really are.
2. Take notice whose expectations you’re fulfilling
Are you fulfilling other people’s expectations they have for you or are you fulfilling your own expectations that you have for yourself? Try to get to the root of it. It took a very long time for me to distinguish whose expectations I was living up to from my own. At first it will be difficult. You think you are trying to be a doctor or go to school because you enjoy it but was that idea planted in your head from someone else? From family or parents? Do you actually love studying for hours and want to be a doctor? Are you going to school because you actually want to and are being encouraged or are you being influenced and pressured to go when you really don’t want to? These are questions to ask yourself to distinguish between your expectations versus expectations people have for you.
3. Explore different realms
One way to explore from your comfort zone is to try new things in different areas in your life. In your personal life and your professional life, you may want to go explore everything, and you should. Are you trying to be more social? Try going to a social event by yourself. Are you scared of public speaking? Take a public speaking class. Are you a creative person or feel like you lack creativity? Try painting, writing, dancing and drawing. There are many areas in your life where you can dig deep and explore. That is how you find yourself and what you like and what you don’t like. You should also explore in your professional life as well! Do you like using your hands? Who would you like to work with, young adults, children, elderly? Have you tried education? Hotel management? The list can go on. Exploring different realms will help guide you to yourself in life.
4. Change your mentality state
Your mindset is everything. We don’t notice that sometimes we may be limiting ourselves and our capabilities. Remember what was mentioned earlier about being programmed at a very early age in our life? This take a lot of self reflecting and it’s possible to rewire your mind. The first thing is to become aware of your mindset. Once you are aware of any limiting beliefs within yourself, then you are able to then change it. Try being more conscious. Why? When you are trying to find yourself, you have to become aware of ideas and beliefs that are no longer serving you to help you become the person you are meant to be. In that process, if you are still stuck in an old mindset that is no longer serving you, then you won’t be able to grow and become who you are meant to be. Sometimes we are the one stopping ourselves.
5. Stay on the ride through it all
All the good and bad events that happen in our life is supposed to happen. Sounds cliche but it’s true. Everything is aligned the way it’s supposed to and you are free to stay on it and learn to discover yourself or you can shy away and stay complacent. You can either run away from the challenges that throw you off track and play a victim or you can get back up and continue to fight. Finding yourself isn’t going to easy and it isn’t going to be rainbows and sunshine. Finding yourself will take work and tears. It also won’t be just negative or dark. There will be light at the end and it will worth it but you have to stay on the ride and go through all of good and bad moments. The best part is finally rediscovering yourself in ways that you have never imagined. You are on a path in life that you could have never dreamed of. And you have yourself to thank because you decided to take that first step and stick through it.
Those are some tips I want to share with you. Although I am at a very young age in my life, I can sit here and write to you that there are two points in my life that happened to me that I lost myself. I had to rediscover who I am which is in my opinion worse that finding yourself. The term, “finding yourself” to me is that you are looking for something. You are looking for you. You haven’t lost anything whereas “rediscovering yourself” is that you knew who you were before and that person is now a stranger. Your old you is no longer a mirror but a shadow. They are now living behind you and you feel lost and have to rediscover who you once were. With that said, wherever you are in life, if you are lost or if you are finding yourself, you are meant to be in that position. It’s up to you to make that decision in your life if you want to go ahead and do it. Take that leap of faith and go for it. Find yourself and you will shine.