The Truth of Why I've Been MIA - Updates
I’m sitting here contemplating if I should write this. It’s been over a year since I’ve started this blog and I’m still having mixed emotions. When I first started, it truly felt so liberating of being able to share on a platform that I have control over. Previously being on Tumblr and other social media platforms, I eliminated many of my social media because of many reasons. Those reasons ranged from anxiety to letting go of the past. I wanted to be able to control my own urges and consumption as well. Once I eliminated my Tumblr blog in 2015, I was experiencing both freedom and anxiety simultaneously. Having a blog since 2010 helped me in a way of finding a voice I didn’t quite have in high school and in college. It allowed me to meet many different kinds of people around the United States and also open my mind to others perspectives. However, I didn’t feel safe anymore on it. Fast forward to today, I didn’t know I’d find myself back on the internet, blogging to hundreds of people.
To be honest, I’ve been MIA since August. Once I went to Argentina, I had some blog posts already scheduled for you readers. However, coming back from abroad, it’s been truly difficult for me to get into the routine of things like working on my blog. There are many reasons why I haven’t been as dedicated and motivated. One major reason for why I haven’t been motivated is due to the loss of my creativity.
As I mentioned earlier, I’ve been nonstop on my blog, constantly working during and after work, coming up with new ideas and topics to write about. When I receive messages and comments on a post or even hear your own stories when I share on my channel and blog, it fills my heart. It truly does. Years ago I was struggling hardcore on this earth. I didn’t know where I wanted to go in life. I felt lost and confused. I was rediscovering my true self and have decided to finally take charge of my own life. I truly enjoy life and have been through a lot that I haven’t shared openly on the blog as much-just some. However, I maintain to not have a victim mentality and have strengthen my mindset since high school because I had to. Today, I have strengthen not only my mindset but also have taken charge of my life and what I want to do. When I created this blog, I had the intention of finally taking control of my own narrative, share my story and help and connect with those around the world. And I have. It’s been a blessing this past year and I want to continue seeing growth on this blog.
The truth of the matter is, I have lost my motivation. I lost my desire to write for a little bit. When my blog renewed annually in August, I contemplated for a second if I should just cancel this website and make it disappear. I wasn't posting, I wasn’t sharing and I definitely lost a lot of readers and supporters. But for some reason inside, I was told to keep pushing to find the creativity and desire to continue writing. Maybe this is the time to really sit down and review and edit my vision of the blog. I used to want to just post, simply to post. Now I am in the moment of life where I want to post only quality blog posts and really share to a specific audience. That audience is those that are seeking to become their better selves through self growth. I write a lot about self care, and gender doesn’t matter. I have been able to connect with so many males equally with women once I created this blog. One thing is for sure, I have been able to help at least someone chase their own dreams or even feel more confident about themselves and that is always the blessing in disguise.
Although I have lost motivation to post weekly, it won’t last. I lost motivation and desire to also post on my channel. This has made me reflect and change my path on this blog and channel. I want to be able to post content that is of quality and not quantity. I want to share meaningful content and be able to spread positivity and love at the same time. Losing motivation isn’t just the only reason of why I have been MIA. This past year has been a lot of works behind the scenes. I have been not only working full time, but a well as a part time job, working on the blog and channel and also planning for my future AND juggling with responsibilities of a dog. I’ve had medical issues as well where I’ve been in the emergency room three times this year. I mentioned months ago even on my channel that I am looking to go back to school. I have been wanting to return to get my masters this year which honestly took months of my time to research the right program and apply for admissions as well as scholarships. It’s been soooo much and I am here to write to you all that it’s been a long journey.
I have been wanting to share for a while now but I have been accepted to the two programs I’ve applied to (which are pretty big schools) and I have gotten scholarships for one! I have made the decision to join in Spring 2020 to the International Education Management Masters program in California at MIIS! I will be moving very soon- like literally two months to California from Massachusetts. In that time, I have been trying to save, canceled any travel trips (to save money) and also have been avoiding having medical emergencies for both my dog and I which had been really difficult. All of these stresses has also influenced me to not blog as weekly. However, deep down inside, I know that although I haven’t been able to frequently post and share content, the next chapter in my life is happening. I am moving, I am attending grad school, I have a beautiful dog that is literally my baby. I do miss writing but the truth is for many artists and creators, you cannot force the art. You cannot force creativity and passion. It can get confusing sometimes of knowing when to give up and keep going. This isn’t a farewell. It’s more of a break to really get ready for the next important steps in my life which is moving, grad school and even self growth.
I will still be posting, however I am going to spread more on my channel. If you haven’t followed me yet, don’t forget to follow me on the channel and subscribe. With that said, I am going to minimize posting for a while but still write with more intention. Behind every post from now on is filled with intention, transparency and thought. Thank you so much for your continued support while I embark on this change in not only my content but my life.